Preparing for the Time of my Life

A few months ago, I got a letter in the mail from the People to People Organization of Student Ambassadors. I've gotten letters from them in the past, but my family has never been able to afford to send me or my siblings halfway across the world until now. My dad is working more than usual and my mom got a secretary job at my sister's soccer club so she can play for free. I've gone through interviews, driven across the state to meetings, written essay questions and been poked and prodded about many aspects of myself and my character. It's been months, but my patience and tolerance have finally paid off. I am officially enrolled to go on a fabulous trip to visit France, Italy, and Greece. I will be in Europe for 21 days this summer having the time of my life, but I can't help but wonder how in the world I am going to go 3 weeks in a foreign continent with complete strangers. This will be the longest I've ever stayed away from my family, but I am confident that I won't get homesick. I don't know, I think this is just because I just about have a fiesta in my head whenever I hear my parents say that they are taking Rachel to a soccer game and they won't be back for three hours. Of course, the party begins when they leave the house, but that's not the point. I have a feeling that I will be perfectly fine. Who knows, this could be good for me. I'll have a nice little culture shock and a dose of independence while I'm there. I'll be roaming around Paris blurting out french to whoever has a chance of understanding it and I'll hopefully find my way back to the hotel. Oh, and did I mention I'll be staying with a homestay in Italy? Yea, a family will host a homestay in which some kind of neat culture exchange will take place. However, I was informed that this family may not speak a word of english, but I'm not too worried about that. I just want them to learn more about my culture (which consists of football and the bigmack so I have no idea why anyone would want exposure to that) so I can learn more about theirs. It won't be some touristy little trip, it will be a firsthand look at the lives of people from other places who speak different languages and eat different foods and do different things. I think it will bea fascinating experience and I will post pictures about it when I get back.

Penpals

I'd always been fascinated by the concept of exchanging letters and getting to know someone you've never met before in your life. Since last June, I have been talking online with a great number of penpals and exchanging letters with a few of them. I thought it would be nice to dedicate this article to introducing them.

One of my penpals is a girl named Lucile. She is currently 16 years old and she lives in northern France. She is very nice and likes to talk about all sorts of things. She does not speak perfect english, but it's okay because it gives me a chance to practice my french. She says that maybe one summer I could come stay with her and her family. They are very kind and hospitable people so i hope that if I do visit them, that I could perhaps return the favor and let her stay with me here in Connecticut someday. She is very enthusiastic about visiting the U.S. and I would really like to invite her here.

Another of my penpals is a girl who lives in Martinique of the Caribbean Islands. Her name is Sylvia. She is currently 17 years old and she also speaks french as a primary language. Not only is she very friendly, but she also has a beach as her backyard, which makes me totally jealous hehe! She sent me pictures of the beaches of Martinique and I really wish I was in tanning on those beaches sipping a pina colada rather than shut inside my house wrapped in a blanket and doing my stupid algebra homework. She loves to draw so she sends me sketches and pictures all the time.

My last penpal is a girl named Elina who lives in France in a little town near Paris. The most amazing part is that her english is remarkable for her age. She is 14 years old and she is the most friendly person I have ever met. She talks to me as if we were the best of friends, and also as if we have been friends for our entire lives and not just a few months. That is a really great thing to find in a friend and it really shows you that it doesn't matter where you're from or what language you speak, that you can be from the other side of the world and still be an amazing person. We talk about school and friends and boys and parties and just about everything that I talk about with my friends here. When I visit France next year with the People to People Organization, I hope to see her.

Twilight

I heard that the Twilight movie will be out on DVD here on March 21st. When the Twilight movie came out in theaters, I was excited to see it because I had read the book. I was even more excited to see it because some of my favorite actors and actresses are in it, including Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. They did an amazing job, as I had expected. I was not surprised when a rediculous amount of merchandise came out in stores for the movie. I never buy that stuff, the movie is enough for me. Robert Pattinson was perfect for playing Edward Cullen, his eyes are mezmerizing! It's too bad that he can't get a girlfriend. Supposedly he said that girls just won't commit to a relationship with him. I've never been a crazy fan of any particular moviestar, singer, or any celebrity for that matter, not even the Jonas Brothers. I think it's kind of silly. I want to smack those girls who turned him down, he seems like such a nice guy, very talented too. He is a singer and guitar player, I think. He sang a song in the movie and I didn't know it was him at first, but then I recognized his voice. You can listen to it if you would like, it's the first song on my play list to the right of this article. If I ever got lucky enough to meet him and talk to him, I would definitely give him a chance. He is five years older than me, but I still would. I have a bit of a soft spot for nice guys hehe!

When I Think Of You ♥

Sometimes when I think of you
My weak heart skips a beat.
Your eyes a perfect shade of blue
They knock me off my feet.

You look at me and I look back,
But shyly look away.
The memory fades into black
And ends another day.

Your face is on my mind tonight.
It's lit up by your smile.
It makes my room feel warm and bright.
It makes this all worthwhile.

So sometimes when I think of you,
And lay under the sun
I pray to God you love me too.
We've only just begun.

I Just Had the Strangest Morning...

I don't know how and I don't know why, but when I woke up at 10:00 this morning, I decided to make today a very good day for myself by doing a series of activities that I never, ever do without being hassled and pushed to do, which usually involves me whining and complaining, but still doing what I was asked. I got up and decided to start a diet because for a few years now, I felt that I was overweight. I'm 5'8" and I weigh 140 lbs. which is supposedly a healthy weight for my height. Frankly, I'm not convinced it's healthy because I'm a little bit more "filled out" in places I would rather not be. I concocted a workout plan for myself to do daily and a list of foods that I can and cannot eat. I'm figuring that if I make myself look better than I do now and much healthier, my fragile self-esteem will get an extra boost, too. I had a nonfat yogurt and an orange for breakfast to replace the usual bacon and eggs with pancakes and I baked a couple douzen cookies to practice resisting the urge to be a pig and stuff my face. It was a good idea I think because now my mom is in a good mood because my cookies are amazing hehe! To add to the weirdness, I grabbed a Swiffer duster and danced around the house dusting everything in sight. That's also a pretty good thing because now the house is clean and my parents have a clean house and cookies. I think they're just glad that I made myself useful. I think all the pain and depression from last night made a change in me. Hopefully this will last because it feels so good to clean and bake and organize and make plans to make my life so much better. If he wants to ignore me, that's fine, but I won't let this bother me. I'll just continue my extremely strange morning in peace and enjoy the feeling while it lasts.

The Best of Friends?

Tonight I went to see some old friends who live in a town close to us. We have not seen or spoken to this family in several years and I guess they just decided to get together and catch up on things. They originally lived on my street and moved about five years ago. They have a daughter who is Rachel's age, a daughter who is Ryan's age, and a son who is my age. Their son and I used to play together all the time when we were little, but we grew apart when he moved away. He'd been my friend for a long time, in fact, he was my very first friend and we were inseparable. When I went to see him tonight, I was very excited to see him. I wanted so badly to catch up on things and talk to him like we used to. When I walked in, I saw a stranger sitting next to him. I found out right then and there that he had a girlfriend that he had been going out with for 2 years. I found that as the night drifted on, I was not going to get the chance to talk with him the way I wanted to, just like old times, best friends. He ignored me and didn't say ten word to me the whole night. Instead, he hung out with his girlfriend and avoided any conversation. I know that I should've been a little more social and chatted with them both, but it was very awkward with a lot of silence. I came to see him and talk to him, not listen to him and his girlfriend giggle in the basement. She was very nice, but was it necessary for her to be there when we came to see them for the first time in three years? She just didn't belong there at the time, it was just strange and kind of rude. I don't think I'll ever get to talk to him seriously and the way I want to ever again. I can't believe this.

I Think I'm Sorta Kinda Maybe in Love

Well, obviously something sparked inside my heart and cupid decided to do a full intervention into my love life. I first felt the sting of his arrow freshman year when I noticed a guy staring at me from across the crowded cafeteria at lunch time. Also, he magically seems to be in my line of sight all the time and he always ends up in the same places that I am. I had always liked him to an extent, even though were only just acquaintences. it's been three years and I still can't tell if he likes me or not. I've had a strong gut feelings since I first saw him, but I just don't understand why he would like me when there are so many other girls that would be more than happy to go out with him. He's funny, charming, really nice, and really cute! Whatever he sees in me, I'm just glad that he saw it in the first place. I'm 17 years old and I've never been in love like this before. I've had crushes in the past, but never one like this. We have so much in common and I've finally found someone who I want to be with. He still looks at me every time I see him, but I've never done this before so I'm not sure how to go about doing this. What if it's only been my imagination that he's been watching and thinking of me...for the past three years? It seems so silly that I'm so worried, but I just want to talk to him and get to know him without seeming too forward about it, be subtle, you know? The problem is that I am rediculously shy. What the heck would I say to him? I don't want to intimidate him or freak him out by instantly jumping to a relationship. I don't know him and he doesn't know me, so how do I find out for sure if he likes me before I make a move without being all weird and awkward about it? I'm in love and there's nothing I can do about it.

Guitar is Good for the Soul ♥

Among my amazing presents that I received for Christmas, my beautiful Blueridge acoustic guitar stands out from everything else, and for good reasons. It has to be the most beautiful guitar I have ever seen in my life, and it's all mine. It's basically the love of my life hehe! I've been playing it nonstop since the day I got it and I must say, it's quite relaxing. It feels good to play it, like I'm somewhere else. The world disappears around me and I go into a pleasant trance, completely taken over by the beautiful sound that resonates in the body of the guitar. It's my escape from the anxiety and stress that make up every minute of my life, except when I'm writing and spilling the contents of my mind into these articles. No limits, no interruptions, no cares about making mistakes in a song or improvisions. It's a great idea for those of us who claim that we are patient people, but can't sit still to meditate or stop to think for more than five minutes. It weaves itself into your soul and makes you feel so much better than you did before you touched the strings.

Little Genius or Devil Spawn?

If you asked any of my friends to describe me in three words, most of them would probably say this: "mature, tired, but also fun to be around." This is probably because my answers to most questions are, well, entertaining to them (and, on average, i get approximately 4 hours of sleep a night so I look like hell pretty much every morning). It's nothing new to me because people always tell me how different I was growing up. When I was eighteen months old, I woke up one night in my crib and decided it was time to redecorate. I stood up, ripped the picture off the wall by my crib, frame and all, and slung it like a frisbee across the room at the opposite wall. I refused to drink out of a sippy cup, I could make pancakes and omlets for breakfast by the time I was eight, I thought Barney was a masochistic idiot whose show has no entertainment value whatsoever. I was more than happy to hide the TV remote when my parents tried to make me sit throught the torturous show. Eventually, my parents figured out that I was smarter than that, especially when I was in third grade. Our class had to write an essay on what we wanted to be when we grew up, obviously a typical topic discussed by children. Where the other kids wrote about wanting to be Firefighters and Presidents and Moviestars and Veterinarians or other fantasies, I wrote a well written paper about my plans to become a surgeon, make redicuous amounts of money, and spend it on yachts and cars while drinking margaritas on a beach in the Caribbean. Not very realistic for this time in my life, but i suppose it was a phase. Sometimes I wonder if I was a little genius with the maturity of a typical adult or the devil spawn who wanted Barney to burn in hell for being a bad influence on me. Maybe I have him to thank for this. His stupid voice and corny songs probably brainwashed me and softened my bitter little temper. Hmm...

Beginnings

I grew up in a tiny little house on a tiny little street on the outskirts of a very large neighborhood. I have a younger sister named Rachel and an older brother named Ryan, which, as I'm sure you've already figured out I hope, squishes me in between as the dreaded "Middle Child" of the family. I'm loved enough, I guess. They pay for me to do what i like, they let me have friends over, and as an added bonus, they care about me to a certain extent. I think about the whole Middle Child Syndrome thing from time to time, but I have to admit that it's probably just my subconcious excuse for my problems when i'm having a bad day or something. I just have to tell myself to suck it up and be tough about it. I have a great family, friends who love me, a reasonable level of intelligence to decide the right decisions for myself...what the heck am I complaining about? Honestly, sometimes I have no idea.

Introductions

This isn't the first blog I've ever made. I will speak the truth about everything and I won't say anything that i wouldn't tell a stranger, I guess. Especially since everyone who reads this is a complete stranger to me. However, that does not mean I don't trust you to a certain degree. There's some honesty in this world, I think. I've already forgotten the reason i created this little blog of mine, but i suspect the purpose it will serve is to document memories of my life and share them with whoever is interested in learning about me...like a story, I suppose. I'm no professional writer. I'm a lazy highschool student, for Lord's sake. I barely gets B's in Honors Classes except in my simple elective classes like Gym and Guitar, where you get A's as long as you give some form of effort. Regardless, I love to write, so excuse my lack of effort in distinguishing my amazing personal writing style. Hmm... maybe i should just start with the basics. You'll know more about me soon enough.