Battling Lonliness

For a long time, I was a really shy person. I have a lot of friends, but I don't really know many of them very well. I have a best friend and I've known her for only four years, but I feel like I've known her my whole life. She kind of completes me, as silly as that sounds. She knows things about me that no one else knows and secrets that I wouldn't dream of telling to anyone else. Whenever I'm lonely or depressed, she's always there to disrupt the silence, to fill the void. I'd do anything for her, absolutely anything. Sometimes it's even like we're meant to be friends, like God planned for us to find each other in this life and pull each other from the darkness we had been hiding in our whole lives.

She means the world to me, but lately it seems like our friendship is fading. I'm still struggling to have a place in her life, but her new boyfriend seems to be the only thing she cares about now. It's like she has no more room for me anymore. She's my best friend and I love her so much like my own sister, but I feel abandoned. Eventually I became angry at her for blatantly ignoring me, so I haven't spoken to her unless she speaks to me first. At the Thanksgiving Day football game yesterday for my school, she wanted me to go sit in the stands with her and her boyfriend. Naturally, given the circumstances and how I feel about her right now, I just smiled quickly and kept walking past. I didn't speak to her at all, not one word. I can tell that she knows something's wrong.

The really funny thing is that she thinks sending me a message on facebook saying that we should hang out sometime and that she misses me is enough to make me get over the fact that she's completely shut me out, disregarded our friendship. Honestly, she misses me?! How is it normal for best friends to miss each other? Shouldn't best friends remain forever? And she thinks we should hang out?! What is wrong with her? If she really wanted to hang out with me, she would have taken the multiple opportunities that I've practically handed to her on a platter. Instead she gave excuses. I can understand when she's genuinely busy, but to blow me off and hang out with her boyfriend like she does every day? That's just cruel.

The worst part about all this is the fact that I'm now losing the one person I trust the most. It's painful, really, and sometimes I even cry about it when I think of her. I don't know what to do. If she doesn't want to be my friend anymore then I should just let her go, but it hurts too much to forget about her. Forgetting about her hurts just as much as remembering her and trying to recover what little friendship is left between us. The lonliness hurts like hell, like she stabbed me in the back without knowing it or even trying. I've tried hanging out with other friends I have, but it's just not the same. Nothing comes close to the bond we shared. Now it's gone and I'm lonely again.